Well, I'm home. Back in the hectic bosom of my family, where food disappears at a truly alarming rate, cats, dogs, and gerbils are liberally scattered throughout the house and yard, and there's always something going on. If not several somethings at once.
Last night we drove home in the rain and I fell asleep several times, being packed in the middle seat of the van with my bedding next to me and a warm engine cover under my feet. When we got into NC the storm turned electrical and the lightening was incredible to see on the mountains ahead, yet in Fairview it hadn't rained yet. And of course I was up late talking to brothers, particularly Noah since he's coming next year.
The common question extended to returned college students at this time of year is "What are you doing this summer?" To which I must give a complicated reply, involving much incredulity, questions of intention and motivation, and surprise. I am tired of saying I'm a soldier. I want to go prove it. The waiting is already onerous; I think I get more tense thinking about how long I have till I can go get this over with.
It is my adventure. Not easy --terribly difficult-- but good. I trust God to do much through Basic Training, and I'm impatient to see what precisely. The overwhelming confidence has returned, even though the brief periods of stark terror still occur: God is going to use this magnificently in my life. He is going to change me, He will watch over me and protect me even though He break me.
It's just the loneliness I fear. I've said it before. Last summer was extremely lonely; this will be worse. This will be longer. This will be the hardest thing I've ever done-- but I will do it. I will succeed in conquering myself, not only the trials placed before me, because it's a matter of running the race well. I'm not doing this for the immediate result, mentally or physically. I honestly see this as a part of sanctification. What my Lord requires of me I will do for Him.
I suppose my business now is to wait, so I should do that also with a mind to please. I can be very useful to my family in the next three weeks.